Funny Sayings!

[Theo]

 Have you ever heard a quirky saying that almost made sense?  Here's some of my favorite colloquialisms :


  Colder than a witch's titty in an iron bra..

  Dumb as a brick..

  Deader 'an a door nail..

  Six to one, half dozen the other..

  He/She's not the ...
    sharpest tool in the shed.
    brightest crayon in the box..

  He/She's two (or a few) fries short of a Happy Meal..

  He/She wouldn't know a [blank] if it hit him/her in the face!

  Somebody beat him/her with the ugly stick..

  He/she is older than dirt..

  Madder than a hornet..

  He/She's the spitting image of his/her father/mother..

  It's no skin off my nose..

  Sweatin' like a pig..

  It's so noisy, I can't hear myself think!

  What in the Sam Hill?

  Gag a maggot!

  Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining..

  He/She is fixin' to ...

  I've got a hankerin' to ...


  I realize that most of these are southern US sayings, but they're still funny..  

  Check out this website for more..

[GG]

Somebody being "uglier than homemade sin"

Looking like "something Death brought along in his lunch box" or "three miles of bad road" or "crap on a cracker"

had one of those days where you feel like you've been "ate by a wolf and s*** out over a cliff"

been "drunker than a four-eyed owl" or "drunk as Cooter Brown"

been "so poor you can't even pay attention"

or "dumber than a bag of hammers"

or so sick that you're "throwing up your shoe heels" or "calling Ralph in York about a Buick in Europe on the big white telephone" or that you're "worshipping the porcelain goddess"

or that somebody is passed out "deader than Elvis" or "cold as a mackerel"

but only because he/she "drinks like a sponge"

unless he/she is easily intoxicated in which case they're a "cheap date".

[Theo]

  I read that Cooter Brown one last night; I don't have any clue who that is or why you'd be drunker than him.. 

[Theo]

  Here's a few more:

  Snug as a bug in a rug..

  Too big for his/her britches..

  Yer darn tootin'!

  He/she's knee high to a grasshopper..

  Slower than molasses in winter..

  I gotta pee so bad I can taste it..

  Don't count your chickens before they hatch..

[M]

As useful as a chocolate fireguard  

[Pollz]

Thick as two short planks!

[M]

As much use as an ashtray on a speedboat 

[Pollz]

A toolbox short of a spanner!

[M]

Not the sharpest tool in the shed 

[dante]

These are mainly Northern sayings.x
Nowt as queer as folk.
Cack handed frigger. 
Wouldnt touch him/her with a barge pole.
Am i going the right way?

[M]

Yay for northerners!

Up before the cock farts in the morning 

Call to undefined function tportal_version()