The Age of the Ring (Lord of the Rings) Forum
Off Topic Section => Fan Fiction and Fan Art => Topic started by: Tellyn on February 23, 2006, 12:45:35 AM
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Well, I've been writing up ROTK in my own way, funnier version. I thought I'd share the first scene with you lot!
Scene 1 – A Squirrel is coming…
SMEAGOL: Hmm… I’ll choose you.
WORM: Dag nabbit. ARGH! (The worm is thrown into the water)
DEAGOL: This is nice and relaxing. Smeagol! Look! Look! I’ve got a fish!
SMEAGOL: Pull it in then, moron.
DEAGOL: OK. Ugh! ARGH! (He is pulled into the water by the fish)
SMEAGOL: Deagol?
RING: Sheen sheen! Sparkle sparkle!
DEAGOL: Gurgle! (He takes the Ring and rises to the top of the water)
SMEAGOL: I want that.
DEAGOL: Why?
SMEAGOL: Because it’s my birthday, and you forgot my present!
DEAGOL: I told you, I was mobbed by squirrels!
SMEAGOL: And what did the squirrels take?
DEAGOL: A packet of peanuts.
SMEAGOL: You were using those as fishing bait!
DEAGOL: I was not!
FISH: He was. Ready salted, too!
SMEAGOL: Ha!
DEAGOL: Well would you have wanted them after the squirrels touched them?
SMEAGOL: You said they took them!
DEAGOL: Ah, but they can’t open a packet of peanuts without opposable thumbs, can they? Eh?
SMEAGOL: Well in that case, why didn’t you give me the peanuts?
DEAGOL: Because the squirrels would have found out!
SMEAGOL: So?
DEAGOL: They made me pledge allegiance to their secret society!
SMEAGOL: And what do you do in the secret society?
DEAGOL: I could tell you, but then it wouldn’t be a secret.
SMEAGOL: Didn’t you know I was a squirrel?
DEAGOL: You are?! Excellent! Well we make various evil clone armies, taste cheese, review new movie releases, and stuff like that.
SMEAGOL: I’m not a squirrel.
DEAGOL: Darn!
SMEAGOL: So can I have the Ring?
DEAGOL: Join the squirrels, and it’s a definite maybe.
SMEAGOL: What are the benefits of applying?
DEAGOL: Get a free packet of peanuts!
SMEAGOL: That does it! Strangle!
DEAGOL: Down I go.
SMEAGOL: What a nifty accessory! Snatch!
GOLLUM: It cursed us. Murderer, the squirrels called us. They turned down our application into the secret squirreling society due to strangulation and homicide of a former member, and then they cursed us again, and then drove us away. We forgot some things; we ripped out our hair, gained multiple personality disorder, and forgot to feed our fishes! My… Preciousss…
SQUIRREL: We will have vengeance!
GOLLUM: Sure you will!
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Damn those squirrels!!!
hehehehheeee! very funny :D :laugh:
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Aww! :8oLOL!That is very funny! :laugh:
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Thank you!
Scene 7 – Super-glued to a flaming bowling ball
PIPPIN: Now for that bowling ball!
MERRY: What are you doing, beer-boy?
PIPPIN: Shut up. (He grabs the Palantír)
MERRY: Hey!
PIPPIN: I only want to look at it. After all, it is shiny.
MERRY: Pippin!
SAURON: Hello Clarice.
PIPPIN: OH MY GOD! I SUPERGLUED MY HANDS TO A FLAMING BOWLING BALL!
MERRY: Gandalf! Help him while I sit here and do nothing!
GANDALF: I’m on it!
ARAGORN: Oh lord that’s hot!
PIPPIN: The tree, it’s burning!
(He drops the Palantir)
GANDALF: Tell me what you saw, fool.
PIPPIN: A tree, duh. I don’t just shout out random comments like that.
MERRY: Yes you do.
PIPPIN: Shh!
GANDALF: What did you tell Sauron?
PIPPIN: How did you know I saw Sauron?
GANDALF: Psychic wizarding powers, now tell me or I will smite you!
PIPPIN: Well first I told him that I wasn’t Clarice…
GANDALF: Then?
PIPPIN: He said… Ooh flash back moment!
Scene 7.5 – Party at Minas Tirith
PIPPIN: Hmm, never seen this place before.
SAURON: Welcome to Minas Tirith!
PIPPIN: You’re that pointy helmeted guy that was smitten with a magic sword from the first movie that tried to destroy Middle-earth and rebuilt a fortress in Mordor and sent out Ringwraiths to kill us all and were resorted to taking the form of a big flaming eyeball that fries everything it comes across!
SAURON: Are you done?
PIPPIN: Em… Yeah.
SAURON: Well I guess I can afford to tell you my plan Clarice.
PIPPIN: I’m not Clarice.
SAURON: Oh, my memory’s going after a few eras. I meant Saruman. You haven’t seen him recently have you?
PIPPIN: Saruman? I don’t think- oh yeah! I know, he had a go at Theoden, tried to cook Gandalf, smacked Wormtongue and was eventually killed by Wormtongue. Heh, he had a knife in his back and was pushed off Orthanc onto a giant spinny wheel!
SAURON: Well, Wormtongue’ll do.
PIPPIN: Oh yeah, he got owned by Legolas. Never saw him die, but he had an arrow in his chest.
SAURON: Memo to self: kill all members of the Fellowship and every free race standing. Make bigger army.
PIPPIN: Come on what do you want?
SAURON: Ah, my plan. I plan to attack Gondor when they’re not ready, wipe out Osgiliath, and finish off Minas Tirith with the other pointy helmeted guy.
PIPPIN: Thanks, I’ll be going now.
SAURON: Not so fast! What do you know of the Ringbearer?
PIPPIN: Nuttin’, apart from the fact that he’s with some fat guy, being stalked by a sickening little thing called Gollum and that he’s probably on the borders of Mordor by now.
SCENE 8 – Got ya!
GANDALF: YOU BLITHERING-
PIPPIN: Got ya!
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Hey,that is briliant! :laugh: